Houston, we have a problem...or two...or three..okay; it's a lot more than that, but who's counting?!

Ship's Log:  October 19, 2010

7:08am
The day began a bit later than it should have, but I'm still so tired from the lack of sleep due to the stressful events of last week that I keep managing to work the sounds of my alarm clock into a dream and ignore it.

Today was Connor's field trip to the Tulsa Zoo.  It was for the entire 2nd and 4th grades, and we were told that the trip would proceed no matter the weather and just to dress our children appropriately; no umbrellas allowed. 

And just how, may I ask, are we to "appropriately" dress our children to tromp through the zoo in a deluge without the aid of umbrellas?!  We're not deep sea divers nor do we own waders and slickers.  Alas, that's a question for another time! All lunches must be 100% throw-away materials; brown paper bags only.  No problem there.

7:30am
Of course, it's dumping rain this morning.  It was beautiful yesterday; gonna be gorgeous tomorrow, but today--the day of the seemingly 30 mile treck through the zoo--it is raining cats and dogs outside.  Loverly.

7:40am
I pack both Connor and I lunches in our clearly labeled brown paper sacks.  Cooper gets his lunchbox, but goes for chicken nuggets and apple slices today!  (It's a change from his normal cheese and banana so it's noteworthy.)  Getting both boys dressed, fed, loaded up and out the door was no mean feat this morning as Gramma came to sit with Sophie so we could go off on this zoological jaunt.  Gramma is a favorite around here and will invariably cause a giddy stir amongst the rank and file!  But she's a big help and gets Sophie up and her diaper changed, helps get Cooper into his clothes and his teeth brushed.  Thankful for our Gramma today, let me tell you!

8:20am
Kids in van; I'm getting myself in with them, just in the nick of time to get to school before the bell rings.  I'm climbing into my driver's seat, holding my coffee cup by the lid.  As I move my arm into the van to place it into a cupholder, the contents of my favorite huge coffee cup EXPLODE all over the van.  The cup lands in my seat, spilling coffee into it; the lid is still safely in my hand.  Coffee is running down the windshield, the passenger window, the passenger door, the console, the steering wheel, the dashboard and the instrument panel and pooling all over the place.  You name it; it was sticky and wet.

8:21am
I cannot believe what's just happened; I felt sure I'd screwed the coffee lid on properly! (Boy, I'll double-check that booger next time!) I race into the house to find a towel.  Locate towel; try to dry and daub at the worst runny spots, and give myself a fairly dry (albeit sticky) place to sit.

8:29am
Head off for school again.  This time, we're gonna be late. I get to the end of the road leading out of our neighborhood and realize that I'm getting the beginnings of a bad headache.  I'm thinking to myself about walking through the zoo for hours on end with a gaggle of 2nd graders and no migraine meds.  We're already late for school because of the projectile coffee, so it would be pointless to suffer needlessly all day long.  I decide to go back. 

8:30am
I have to take the long loop around to get back to our house and grab the lifeline of Excedrin Tension pills, and the stronger stuff for just-in-case-the-Excedrin-doesn't-help. 

8:33am
Pull into the garage, grab the necessary pills, and race back out the door.  Swallow Excedrin as I'm backing out of the driveway.  Still pouring rain.

8:35am
I'm leaving for school for basically the 3rd time this morning.  I'm driving through the neighborhood (AGAIN!) when the tire low-pressure warning light comes on.  Our van is pretty cool in that it's got a diagram of the tires and displays the pressure in each tire individually; the offendingly low tire's numbers blink at you so if you're too dense to realize the difference between less and greater; you'll still get the picture.

8:36am
I call my husband.  The light is on; the number is blinking; it is POURING down rain like we're preparing for a flood of Biblical proportions; what to do?!  He advises that it's got to be a super-slow leak (he put air in the tire 2 days ago and it's not that low yet), so I can take my chances on the Tulsa trip but I've gotta get it checked when we get back to Pryor.  Ok.  Still, though...GREAT. 

Now I've gotta worry about this tire, but I do NOT want to go to the only place in town that has air; the pump is not covered by an awning and I really don't think I can manage to fill up the offending tire while balancing an umbrella and keeping my knees together to bend down in a shorter skirt...getting soaked to the skin for my efforts...we'll take our chances with the tire.

8:36am
I realize that I left my neatly packed lunch sitting on the kitchen counter.  I had made myself this nice little lunch of toasted sourdough bread, with chicken salad in a separate container so it wouldn't be reduced to soggy mush by lunchtime.  I had a bottle of water and one of those flavor packets and some apple slices.  I was looking forward to my tasty little lunch.  It's but a memory now. If I turn around AGAIN, the kids will not only be late for school but Connor will surely miss the bus for the field trip.  Not an option.  Farewell, lovely lunch!  Hello, overpriced and not-worth-the-calories zoo fare!  **sigh**

8:44am
Pull into the school.  Grab brand-new; NEVER EVEN USED YET umbrella to help the boys get into the school.  It won't stay open.  Yep, I've managed to purchase the only umbrella in Wal-Mart that doesn't work.  Nice.  Wrangle the umbrella with both hands while walking the boys into the building.

8:46am
Sign them both in tardy; get Cooper ready for his escort to class and kiss him goodbye.  The assistant principal notices my struggles with the umbrella and kindly offers to try to help; confirms it is hopeless. 

8:48am
Go to 2nd grade classroom to inform the teacher of the broken umbrella situation and my looming pit stop at Wal-Mart for yet another umbrella. 

8:55am
Head to Wal-Mart.  Wonder if they have any fried chicken I could take with me for lunch in the deli department...chicken sounded so good today...(I am to discover that they do not).

9:00am
Arrive at Wal-Mart.  Go to umbrella section; try out numerous umbrellas for weight and balance.  Yes, I said weight and balance.  If you are fortunate enough to simply be able to hold your umbrella in one hand while you meander around in the rain, you may not be aware of this fact:  some of them are so top-heavy that they pull you sideways if you're distracted by the ginormous diaper bag, the baby on your hip, and the 2 little ones pulling at your skirt.  A mother must select her umbrella as carefully as a fighter chooses his sword.

9:06am
Umbrella carefully selected; find and try on a windbreaker that will be somewhat water-repellant.  Success.

9:11am
Proceed to checkout.  I have managed to pick the only umbrella in the entire store that does not have a UPC code.  Well, of course I did.  Not surprised at this point.  Head back to the umbrellas, pass off the non-tagged one to a salesperson so this won't happen to the next poor sap, and find one with a tag.

9:14am
Back to the checkout counter to purchase umbrella and jacket; takes a couple of tries to get my debit card swipe to read. (It's a small thing, I know, but at this point par for the course; nothing I've tried has worked on the first go-round today!)  Go running through the downpouring rain to the van and head off to Tulsa to hopefully get there in somewhat the same time frame as the buses and children.

9:32am
Groomer calls.  I'd left a message on their answering machine yesterday; hoping against hope they could get Boaz in today.  Knew the chances were slim, but had to try.  We leave for OKC tomorrow, and just in case he throws up everywhere--let's face it, the chances are looking good at this point--it helps to have his fur trimmed so there's less work involved in getting puke out of it. 

Would you believe they can get him in right NOW?! That's never happened in a year of owning him!  I always have to wait for an appointment; several days at least!  Sheesh.  Now I'm thinking about how nice it would be to have a clean, shorter-haired dog on this trip.  Making myself crazy.

9:35am
Call hubby again.  He points out that it's impossible to do that today; and that I always manage to make myself crazy trying to cram a week's worth of tasks into one day.  Let it go for once.  He's right.  Try to forget about it, but still clenching my teeth a bit over the fact that it might have been.

9:36 - 10:15am
Calls to/from various saints in the church regarding food for the Nances; whether or not there's going to be church Wednesday night (there is!), etc.

 10:15am
Zoo trip.  It's still lightly raining, so I'm carrying the new umbrella.  It's huge so Connor can fit under it with me.  Normally buy small ones, but decided he needed help staying dry since I don't own "appropriate" rain attire.  I've never purchased a poncho and frankly don't intend to.

10:25am
Am handed clipboard with paperwork for the scavenger hunt (of which I was completely unaware until this point) and a pencil. We're paired up with another mother and her son who is in Connor's class.  Enter zoo.

10:27am
It stops raining.  I figure it'll start up again and we're in the monkey house, so I keep the umbrella.  Juggling it under my arm as I try to wrestle the papers (printed front and back so the parents have to keep unclipping them from the clipboards and flipping them back and forth.  Let's not make this easy on the chaperones or anything!)

10:29am
Call the groomer while I'm still fretting over the impossibility of today and schedule him for next Tuesday.  Make a mental note to write it on my calendar at home.  I'll probably forget; but at least I tried.

10:30am - 11:15am
Fun with Connor and his buddy Jaxon...it's a cool scavenger hunt and we're loving life.  We're finding the animals A-Z and ones that fit in certain categories (long tail, spots, stripes, feathers, lives underground, etc.). 

Umbrella now weighs about a million pounds and its length is a problem in crowded exhibits.  Kids keep bumping into it as it is tucked beneath my arm while I wrestle with paperwork and clipboard; I'm getting constantly jostled and they're all getting stabbed.  Nice.  No one lost an eye.  This should be noted.  My skill should be applauded.

11:25am
Meet up with classmates for lunch.  A teacher's helper can't find Connor's lunch.  Connor had told me when we arrived at the zoo that he thought he'd left his lunch at school; but I told him that they put them all together in a cooler, so not to worry.  Now I'm wondering if nobody put it in the cooler and he really did leave it.  Great.  2 lunches made and left behind.  Oh, well...off to The Giraffe Grille to get grilled on prices and stuffed full of fat grams that frankly I don't want or deserve; I packed a healthy lunch, for Pete's sake!!!

11:40am
After standing in line for what seemed an eternity, we are both holding slices of pizza and sodas.  (Me with the gigantic umbrella and the clipboard as well.) I pay for our meals; and before I could put my change in my pocket, Connor's teacher walks into the grille, holding up his lunch.  Are you kidding me with this?!  I just laughed, told her I had just paid for our new lunches and to forget it.  She handed it to us so Connor could at least eat his cookies for dessert.

11:43am
After Connor's taken his turn washing his hands in the restroom (we are NOT touching our food after zoo germs!  Ewww...) I leave him to stand guard over our 2nd attempt at lunches and go to wash my own hands in the Ladies' room.  There is a little boy in there, sitting bare-bottomed on the floor of a stall.  Poor little man has gotten used to stripping at home to go potty, but looking at his naked little heinie touching the floor of the bathroom at the zoo just about puts me into a germaphobic coma.  I quickly wash my hands and go to exit the restroom...there are no paper towels.  Well, of course there aren't.  Why should I have dry hands after everything else that's happened today?!  I use my jacket to open the door to escape back to Connor.

11:50am
It's taken us forever to get our food and find our way back to our group; most are finishing up by now and headed off in pursuit of animals that start with various letters of the alphabet.  We scarf down our food, only to find that I had neglected to get napkins from the grille!  We've got greasy fingers from our pizza slices, but thankfully a parent overheard our dilemma and handed us some wet wipes.  (Where's my diaper bag when I need it?!)

11:56am
We still have to knock out J, N, U, V, X and Y.  Off on the hunt again!  The kids are loving it, but frankly I'm a bit pooped.  My brain is FRIED from the craziness of the day so far...what horrors await?! 

I aquired a large souvenir coup and Connor's smaller one; so now I've got a 600 lb, super-long and ungainly umbrella tucked under one arm, his cup tucked under the other, my cup hanging from a strap on my arm, and the dreaded clipboard thrown in the mix for good measure.  Feeling like a beast of burden. 

Have to balance all these items while walking and writing on the appropriate paper in the appropriate place and keeping an eye on 2 little boys who want to go climb the nearest rock.  Easy peasy!  Not.

11:55am
We've walked straight into a cave in the Rain Forest exhibit and the zookeeper points out the bats over our heads.  Wow.  Bats right over my head.  I rapidly back OUT of said cave, and she says in an offended tone, "They won't attack you, make a nest in your hair or suck your blood!  Bats are great!  When it's storming outside, the bats sometimes get their days and nights mixed up.  When that's going on and you walk through that door over there, they just fly right past your face and you can feel the breeze from their little wings on your face.  It's lovely." 

She must have noticed the color draining from my face..."when it's storming outside..."  uhm, like today, lady?!  Are you INSANE?!  Why oh why would she SAY that to me when she saw me back away from the mere thought of having them sleeping over my head?!  Not too bright, this zoologist, I fear...(and she seemed really educated so I'm pretty sure she was an actual zoologist and not just a poop scooper)! 

She quickly proceeds to tell me how bats won't actually hit you if they fly at your head; they'll go around (small comfort!), and they're just like birds but with hair instead of feathers or some such nonsense.  I would rather sleep with a snake (which I cannot imagine I would ever be able to do without sobbing like a baby) than have a BAT fly past my HEAD and feel the "BREEZE" on my FACE.  What a nightmare. 

12:15pm
I thank her for the information and steel myself to quickly pass through the cave (which was required to get to the next part in that horrific exhibit) and just not look up at the BATS over my HEAD.  **ugh and whew**

12:16pm - 1:30pm
More scavenging for animals.  More juggling the large cup, the small one, the 1,000 lb umbrella that now feels like a 10-foot spear, the clipboard, and wrangling the papers that are curling up because of the humidity.  Found every letter except U, V and X. 

The zoo sported signage of a mysterious Vicuna, but we never saw him.  And unlike some of the other parents--who were cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater types and Googled animal names and filled in the kids' papers regardless of whether they spotted that particular animal or if it was even present in the zoo...uhm, shouldn't we let the kids have FUN with this?!  Isn't that the POINT?!--we left those letters blank.

1:30pm
Train ride back to the front of the zoo, and not a moment too soon!  I was wearing cowboy rainboots (which were fabs, let me tell you!) and I had only sat down for about 6 minutes all day...to scarf down my lunch...so the chance to sit was heavenly.  More wrangling with all the gear; add to that Connor's now soaking-wet jacket that I didn't have the heart to make him tie around his still-dry waist.  I almost FELL over the stupid umbrella exiting the train.  Gracefully, of course.  Gak.

1:50pm
Gift shop stop; should be noted that it should be renamed the Gateway to Bankruptcy.  Who on EARTH is willing to pay $50 for a sweatshirt that is advertizing the zoo?!  I insisted on a $5 toy and threw in a fossilized shark's tooth for good measure. 

Purchased duplicates of same for Cooper, of course.  I'm no glutton for punishment.  I can't imagine the flood of tears after his realization that not only had Connor gotten to go to the zoo with Mommy, but had also been handed new toys.  No thanks!  Buy 2 of everything boy-related; that's my motto and I'm sticking to it. 

More jockeying of my now monstrously-sized umbrella, cups, clipboard--lost the pencil--and refused to carry the new items; so the bag goes to Connor.

3:30pm
Back to the school to pick up Cooper (Connor rode with me from the zoo and we had fun recounting our day), then off to find a tire shop to fix the tire with the leakage problem.

4:00pm
On my second stop, found a tire shop that's not gonna make me wait; handed over the keys and sat down. (Ahhh...although it STINKS in tire shops!  Don't know how those people can stand the smell of all that rubber!) 

4:15pm
The boys were walking around the shop, and I looked up from answering various texts about Gramma's funeral, viewing, food to the Nances, etc. to see them each rolling a tire through the showroom.  Seriously.  My normally well-behaved boys decide to throw common sense to the wind and do THAT?!  Got that notion right out of their heads and the tires returned to their resting places.

4:30pm
Tire is fixed!  Wahoo!  (It was a screw.)  Now off to our house to let the poor dog outside and get the boys a late after-school snack.

4:45 - 5:15pm
Cleaned out the van.  Coffee is everywhere.  Hey, at least it smells good.  Still don't think I've gotten it all...

5:30pm
Dropped the boys off at the church to catch a ride with their Papa while we head to the school for Cooper's P/T conference.  (He's doing great!)

6:20pm
Head to Adair to eat dinner with the Nances and get our kiddos.  Nice family night.

8:30pm
Headed home to put sleepy baby in bed and let the boys play Wii for a bit.

9:00pm - 10:00pm
Packing for our trip to OKC tomorrow morning

11:00pm
In bed and blogging about this insane day.  Glad it's over!  I'm sure one day I'll look back on this record and laugh. 

It started out stressfully, but ended in a nice quiet evening with my family, so all's well that ends well.  No harm, no foul.  And all in all, my problems of the day are small in the grand scheme of life.  Nobody got hurt.  Nothing was broken that could not be fixed.  Still a good day overall!

Now here's hoping I don't have to clean up doggie vomit on the trip to OKC tomorrow!  And no blow-out diapers resulting in poopy carseats.  And no nastiness of any kind.  We'll see.  It'll be tomorrow; so it will officially be a new day.  It's gotta get better, right?!